Flowers. They are an important prop in my story. Sometimes they take center stage. At this particular place in my story they represent the loss of innocence. For my children. For my family. For my students. For my friends. For my husband. For me. We all lost something – some more than others.
For some it was simply a blip on the radar – notice it then go on with life. This would have been me in previous circumstances. Noting someone’s story, pause to show concern and then carry on with only occasional interaction.
For some it was a shadow… they noticed a tangible change in their own life. Several of my students described it this way. They were reminded every day I wasn’t in class.
For some it was a type of imprint. It was like the Uninvited Guest showed up in their own life and remained there. I imagine this was how it impacted my siblings and parents.
For my kids it was a pretty big chunk of lost innocence. The reality of cancer, of baldness, of a looming separation.., all while trying to do school and the rest of life. How? How does one do that in elementary school?
For my Rock it was the possibility of losing his partner. He was expected to shoulder that weight, work, be a single parent, help his partner through “for worse and in sickness”… May I just say that the spouse of the cancer patient has the impossible task of keeping it all together, with very little support. Let’s not forget them! The husband, the wife, the parents of sick kids… they need support. We need to do better at this!
For me… wow. My entire view of life shifted. My practically perfect, crazy life now had just 3 days to squeeze in all the memories and life lessons of a lifetime. I swear I could hear and see time. Everything looked different. It was much clearer. It was quite foggy. It was here that I first began to learn that contrasting emotions can co-exist: sorrow/joy, fear/faith…
“Look at the flowers,” is a statement that conveys a way for ones self to calm down and focus. To take a broken and skewed perspective and concentrate on something beautiful. I can still remember receiving fresh flowers at my house on the day of my diagnosis (where we are in the story), and having conflicting emotions. Does that surprise you? Here’s a glimpse of how basic thinking changes/innocence lost:
* Flowers delivered
** Thankful for the kind deed
**** Oncologist said I can’t be near fresh flowers or fruit because they carry bacteria that my immune system can no longer fight.
********** Flowers and fruit carry bacteria? How did I not know this? What do I do with the flowers? I can’t throw them out, that would be rude. Can I give them away and hope the sweet person who sent them understands?
********************Is this my life now? Having to question the existence of flowers in my home? What. Is. Happening?!!!!
Every single face we see has a story. When I meet someone who is grumpy, sad, angry, lost, I try to remember what it was like when I had to learn to just look at the flowers. Maybe this grumpy, sad, angry, lost person has their own unique bouquets of life they are figuring out. I may not be able to help but I can hold their hand and let them know they are not alone.
The Time that is Given 