Address Unknown

Total Disclosure: Address Unknown, by Agatha Christie, is not a stage play. It should be.

Have you ever gone on an unplanned trip? A last minute, don’t know where you’re going or what you’re going to do, kind of trip. How does one pack for that? I am neither Thelma or Louise. I like a good plan. Or, should I say I liked a good plan.

One day I’ll write more about our three days – all of the things we did – the talks we had – the phone calls made – the goodbyes… I’m still not ready.

Tuesday morning, April 6, 2004. My Core Four became divided. Victoria and Matthew went off to school and Dennis and I, along with my parents, headed to the Cancer Center about 30 minutes away. I had a suitcase and Baxter. I had a blood draw and was taken to an exam room. My Rock and parents were taken to the purple room.

Time is a funny thing. It can both stand still and run full speed ahead at the same time. At least that’s what it did for me from the time I went into that exam room until… Hmmmm? 🤔 I’ll have to think about that…

Short version: I heard the words Acute Promyelocytic Leukemia for the first time. Dr. K said he had a call in to MD Anderson’s Leukemia Research Team to find out what they were trying. He knew it would involve a couple of experimental chemo therapies. He asked if I was ok with that. The alternative was that I would be dead by the end of the week. Dr. K and I agreed to fight together. I told my Daddy that I was a “tough old bird and would fight.”

My Rock and I walked over to the hospital and I was admitted to the 7th Floor. The DNR floor. Do Not Resuscitate. I met several kind nurses. I signed the DNR order. I made a living will. I received a nice package with pamphlets about cancer, protective isolation, blood transfusions, duo port care… honestly, the only things that hurt my heart were the two coloring books for Victoria and Matthew called, “My Mommy Has Cancer.” That tore at my heart. IV’s were started. Talk of an upcoming surgery (to place my Duo Port) took place. Dr. K came by to say we were on board with MD Anderson and I would start the experimental oral chemo today. The first round of IV chemo had to wait until my port was in but he would be by to check on me later. More nurses. More paperwork. My blood test results came in. All of my counts were so low they said I would have been in the ER for sure if I hadn’t gone to the doctor last week.

Last week? That was just last week?

Where was I? I’d like to go home now. My kids should be done with school and it was time to start homework, make dinner and hang out at home.

But, reality was I had IV’s. Had signed the DNR. Was in protective isolation. Was trying to figure out port surgery. Was getting ready for my first blood transfusion. Was encouraging those I loved. Was desperately looking into the eyes of my Rock pleading for strength. Was taking my first dose of chemo pills. Was clutching Baxter. Was feeling pretty ill. My body was literally killing me and I could feel it.

Address Unknown. I had arrived.