Dennis and I were told we wouldn’t be able to have children, but God had other plans. I still remember my shock at the news my doctor gave over the phone. Incredible. Unreal. Nine months later Victoria came screaming into the world. My first born. My miracle child. She has kept me on my toes ever since then.
Victoria was 11 when I was diagnosed. She became my favorite nurse when I was on the DNR floor. Days the kids were allowed to see me she would come in, check my port site and then bound off down the hall with my nurse to go get my blood or platelets for transfusion or go to the locked kitchen to get ice pops. She was quite proud of the fact that the nurses gave her the code to the door so that she could get ice pops for me whenever I (or she and her brother) wanted one. To my angels, my nurses and medical team who took their valuable time to make sure Victoria felt included in my care I say thank you. You not only held my life in your hands but you held something even more precious, my babies. You were a blessing to me then and are a blessing to me now, for I still see how your concern and care for Victoria helped shape her to be the woman that she is today.
Victoria was 11 when she had to learn what life was like without me. I was a very hands-on mom and we did everything together and overnight she lost me. Yes, my children had amazing adults who stepped in to help but no one can replace mom. Victoria was 11 when she would be at school and her dad would get her and her brother out of class to come see me… she was smart enough to pick up on the seriousness of those visits. Those “during the school day” visits were only for 2 reasons: I was either having a really good day and my oncologist wanted me to see my children or I was doing so poorly he wanted my children to be able to say goodbye. Trust me when I say we never told those things to our babies, but Victoria always seemed to know…
Victoria was 11 when she had to literally watch her mom struggle for breath, to be in extreme pain, to deal with the heartache of the changing landscape of life, to witness the evolution of relationships that come with life-altering events… life as she knew it forever changed. That concept is not lost on me. Through all of it, the good and the bad, I watched my girl learn about people and life. She loves deeply and if she trusts you it is with abandon. To her true friends may I say thank you for loving my girl.
We’ve been through a lot together, Victoria and I, and I am so thankful to be her mom. She was 17 when she moved over 1,000 miles away to attend college AND maintained good tabs on me. 😊 If I couldn’t find something in the house, Victoria would know where it was, even 1,000 miles away. Seriously, she would talk me through where things were… she never once made me feel stupid for having chemo brain (yes, it’s real and no fun). I’d be lost without her!
Victoria also volunteers at Greenville Theatre. She loves theatre but she loves her brother and me even more. She always helps out whenever there is a need: ushering, helping in the lobby, bringing me Starbucks during a rehearsal. 😁 She never sighs or hesitates, she just says, “I’ll be there.” That’s my daughter in a nutshell. Loyal. Smart. Sacrificial.
Victoria also loves what she does. She is passionate about education and she loves her kiddos. There have been so many nights that she spends looking up ways to integrate learning into everyday, normal, run of the mill stuff. She loves the little ones and wants to do what’s best for them and their families. To the rare and phenomenal teachers who took the time to invest in Victoria’s life, thank you! You are still impacting her life and the lives of her munchkins. To the parents of her munchkins, you are a blessing to me by how well you work together to make this world a better place one child at a time.
When Victoria was a baby I sang a song to her every night… I still think of it as “her song.” Here is part of the chorus:
“You’ll always be my baby, as perfect as can be. You’re still the child I carried, God’s precious gift to me. Though sometimes life may hurt you and your dreams may fall apart, you’ll always be my baby. Hold that thought deep inside your heart.” Little did I know, way back when, how much these words would mean throughout our journey.
One day my babies were, well, babies and now they are adults.
I’ll share Victoria’s video on Facebook. She’s a keeper, this girl of mine. I’m blessed to be her mom.
The Time that is Given 