Life Without Father

The words just haven’t been coming to me to try and explain what it was like to take care of and sit by the bedside of my Dad… Things changed so quickly that it was impossible to adapt before the next change. Honestly, my heart still feels like there is something that can be done to help the situation… It was like living in a fight or flight response for 9 days straight…

Then came the memorial services and graveside military service.

Then came working in the house and starting to organize everything.

Then came the trip back to South Carolina and trying to return to “normal.” (I truly dislike that word!)

Then came me wondering how Daddy was doing so I picked up the phone, only to remember…

Life without Dad is an ache unlike anything I’ve every experienced before. I’ve always been a Daddy’s girl, the baby of the family, and quite proud of those facts. Growing up I had “Daddy dates” on a regular basis, and after I got married and moved away, Mom and Dad stayed very active in my life. We visited them, they visited us, we talked on the phone, and I wrote letters and cards. After Mom died, Dad would come and stay with My Core Four for months at a time. I’ve never had a period of time that didn’t involve my Dad.

Today is Father’s Day.

I’m heartbroken.

I’ve cried more in the past month than I ever have before.

I had the best Father in the world!

And yet…

My head is unable to give language to all that I feel, so I will just say this: there is no “without.” I do not live a Life Without Father. He lives on in the lessons he taught me and the love that he showed me… He lives on in the best parts of me. He lives on in the lives of my Rock and Victoria and Matthew, because he loved them so very much.

Happy Father’s Day, Daddy! I love you and am so very thankful for you!