My story was written before I was born. My cast was divinely selected. While I cannot say that I would choose cancer to be a part of my story, I can whole heatedly say that these people – my humans – are the best part of me and my story. They are woven into every scene, every act. They are not just supporting players, they are principle. Their stars shine brightly. They continue to give me motivation, hope, encouragement, love, laughter and life.
Dennis: my leading man, my soulmate, my best friend, my rock, my everything. We met in 1986. I honestly thought he was the biggest jerk that I had ever met. I met him at a college soccer game where I was a cheerleader for his opposing team. He proceeded to tell me why cheerleaders were “totally worthless” to the players on the field. NOT a great first impression. Time, and help from our friends, created a wonderful friendship which turned into love. Dennis continues to sweep me off of my feet. He brings me flowers for no particular reason. He brings my favorite candy because he was thinking of me at the store. He still takes my breath away!
Victoria: my daughter, my friend, my personal assistant, my confidante. Dennis and I were told we would not have children. God knew better. He sent Victoria to us and she came into our lives with a might roar. She filled our days with sleepless nights, laughter and lots of love. She had her own health crisis at age 5. That’s her story and hers to tell. We have watched Victoria become a woman of compassion, love, intelligence, and wisdom. She is passionate about education. Her memory is amazing. She fills my life with laughter, love, Starbucks, reminders and encouragement. I am quite proud of her and would be lost without her!
Matthew: my son, my friend, my encourager, my premie, my spirit animal. Dennis and I tease Matthew that he should have been a multiple. We were going through fertility treatments and I was on a medication that typically resulted in multiples. My doctor was quite shocked when there was one tiny baby. Matthew has the love and empathy of multiples all on his own. He is the “go to” guy for many people who need encouragement or a great hug. (He is an amazing hugger.) He feels things on a deeper level than anyone realizes. Matthew has become a man who pursues his love of acting, singing and dancing. He is gracious, kind, and honest. He fills my life with laughter, love, thoughtfulness and a listening ear. I am quite proud of him and my life is richer because of him!
That’s my main cast. My “core four.” The four Q’s. My humans.
I was 36 when I was diagnosed. Victoria was in 6th grade, Matthew was in 3rd grade. Victoria had already lived through a health crisis. Matthew had recently lost a friend to cancer.
My husband and I lived a very full and crazy life. He was a school administrator. I was a teacher and worked in the school office. Here is a glimpse of our life leading up to diagnosis: we both taught, he coached the senior ladies’ volleyball, I coached the speech and drama teams, I worked in a ladies counseling ministry, Dennis taught Sunday School, sang in the church choir, I drove the kids to all of their activities. Our children grew up in the school building. They were as comfortable there as they were at home. We had a very full and crazy life. It was practically perfect.
Some life changes come so slowly – they creep up unawares. Some life changes show up and take over. Mine just showed up. Very little warning. In a matter of literal days I went from “normal crazy life” to “get your affairs in order.” Some times I am asked, “How did you wrap your head around that?” My answer, I still haven’t.
The Time that is Given 