Quattletine, Blog #5

Ok. This week was a tough one. Like, really tough. Emotionally and physically tough. Did I mention it was tough?

I did?

Ok.

This week was also a good one. Like, really good. Emotionally good. Did I mention it was good?

I did?

Ok.

This whole quarantine/social distancing thing isn’t too far off from how I lived before, so that part hasn’t been difficult. Been there/done that. Physically I’m about done. There’s a looming brick wall with my name written all over it. That’s the advantage to having lived this life before, I’m more aware of said looming wall. So, tonight is family time, Harry Potter watching, mask making, cookie making time. (So, see ya later brick wall. Not gonna run into you right now. )

Emotionally… well, that’s the complicated part. Living the good quarantine/isolation life has certainly stirred up the old whomping willow (see earlier blogs). 🤔 It’s like my emotions from battling cancer have met the new emotions of a global pandemic with the hefty sidekick of responsibility. Combine these and it’s like, “we see your whomping willow and raise you a dementor.”

How can I explain?

Protective isolation battling leukemia: dual port put in after surgeon says I wouldn’t survive the surgery, major tests on my heart, cancer fever, chemo started, cardiac arrest, transfer to another department to deal with the heart, bone marrow biopsy, results from said biopsy, more chemo, staff infection, full body yeast infection, sores covering my mouth – down the esophagus and into the stomach…. and that was in a 2 week timeframe. I was so busy trying to survive that I wasn’t able to comprehend what was happening to me or around me.

Quarantine/social distancing battling coronavirus pandemic: husband has bad car accident, my doctor calls saying a soft tissue mass was seen on an ultrasound so I have to be evaluated – said evaluation was pushed off due to pandemic – until the specialist calls me in so he can determine if I need chemo, which he would have to start immediately as he felt waiting would hinder treatment due to the pandemic, getting results that it’s not cancer (happy dancing commenced), dealing with the professional effects of the pandemic, listening to the world panic and realize how dangerous a simple handshake could be (yup, I learned that 15 years ago and have hated that ritual ever since), observing the nation pretty much slow down to a crawl…

Emotionally it’s been good because even though I’m struggling with anxiety (who isn’t?!) I’ve observed teamwork and camaraderie from my “not our first rodeo” Core Four to co-workers to perfect strangers. This time around I’m able to look up and process what’s happening around me, and I’ve witnessed some amazing humans proving that life is better when we live it together… that our differences might not be as great as previously thought, and there’s plenty of hope for a better tomorrow.

Pretty powerful stuff.

You know what? It’s been a pretty terrific week. ❤️