Try to Remember

“It is the story of our youth, our hearts; that touches our very existence, that reminds us of what our lives once were. It is a story of our youthful vigor and folly before cynicism, disappointment, and inevitable sameness etched our personalities (or at least a story of what our idealized youth could have been, if our dreams had worked out as we had wished back then).” – Review by Steve Windisch of The Fantastics

September has always been an enchanted time of year for me. My childhood was simply wonderful and I loved every minute of it… well, maybe not every minute. There was that one time when my brother, aka my Priest, was quite angry with me for no good reason. I was an innocent 5 year old who accidentally taped the cats mouth shut. I’ve never understood why Dave got so upset with me. All he had to do was remove the tape from the cat, and I’m sure that was an easy task.

September was when Mom would roast the last of the sunflower seeds from our gigantic sunflowers in the garden, the leaves in the trees would start to turn, and the breeze would rustle the branches of the Willow trees. It was the time of baseball games, canning the last vegetables from the garden, lazy walks by the creek and getting ready to go back to school. September was a magical gateway to the best time of year, when the air starts to get a little cooler and the days a little shorter. To this day I can’t help but feel the magic that September brought to me on the farm.

September is Blood Cancer Awareness Month. I’d always looked forward to this time and used it to reflect on the importance of survivorship. Then my Mama got blood cancer and she passed away, in September.

I miss my Mom. I miss life on the farm. I miss watching the Willow trees swaying gently in the breeze. I miss sunflower seeds fresh from the oven. I miss lazy walks by the stream. I miss my Mom.

I still love September, but my sweet memories now have a twinge of sadness. Sadness and laughter. Love and loss. Family together then family apart. Gratefulness and emptiness. The feelings seem to war with each other more and more these days. Some days when it feels like December days outweigh the September days I can do one of two things: eat chocolate and watch a Hallmark movie (ok, those of you who know me know that’s not true, I’d watch a movie about a zombie apocalypse) or I can look back on those sweet memories knowing that sadness is a small price for living and loving.

Life is far more about “and” than “or” and my life is full of some pretty wonderful “ands.”

P.S.: If you haven’t listened to the song, “Try to Remember,” I highly recommend Andy Williams’s version. That’s the soundtrack of my childhood and it’s practically perfect.