Deconstructed Lemonade, Litter, and Loyalty

Lemonade is a delightful beverage. Cool, crisp, refreshing, and a classic drink that has become a staple in households across the world. The complexity is in its simplicity. All you need are lemons, sugar and water. Yet, lemonade also pairs perfectly with other flavors: strawberry, blackberry (my personal favorite is blackberry and sage lemonade), peach, etc. The possibilities are endless.

So, when life gives you lemons… you freeze them so they hit harder when you throw them at people. Wait. That’s not right. Let’s try that again…

So, when life gives you lemons you never know what you’re going to get. Wait. That’s a box of chocolates, not lemons. One more time…

So, when life give you lemons… Ok. I’m not a big fan of the traditional lemonade analogy, though I certainly concede that it has its merits. I guess my “issues” with this saying is simply because I’ve heard it quoted AT me so many times. My favorite time was when a well-meaning, clever friend said (I’m paraphrasing here), “Wow, you have so many lemons handed to you in life, you sure must love lemonade!” Well, it’s true that I love lemonade, and I can understand how someone would look at my life and see a big box of lemons, but that’s not how I see it. Not at all.

I’m deconstructed lemonade.

Lemons: cancer diagnosis, chemo, cardiac arrest (x5), bone fractures, teeth loss, migraines, disappointments, loss of loved ones, career changes, heartaches, medical tests, hopes turned to disappointments, constant “new normal” living, pandemic, being misunderstood by others, shouldering more responsibility that I feel I can take (personally and professionally), physical inability to keep up with the lifestyle I’d prefer, etc… The list goes on and on. But, we all have a list of lemons. Every single one of us. I imagine that if you sent me a list of your lemons that I’d think, ‘Wow, what a big box of lemons!’

Sugar: My Core Four, loyal and loving family and friends, fabulous medical personnel, cancer research arriving just in time, a lovely home, fur babies, students, watching my children grow up, good books, movies, camaraderie with other cancer survivors, the Rocky Mountains, chocolate, sweat tea, theatre, great co-workers, fulfilling job… The list goes on and on. Some days I may have to look a little bit harder to find the sugar, but it’s always there.

Water: This one gets tricky, so I’m going to make one caveat here, and that’s that the water is good. Good water adds clarity and dilutes the sour lemons just enough so that the sugar can work its magic. Bad water clouds and alters the flavor to the point where the magic just can’t happen. So…

Good Water: Time and space

My life is magical. I shouldn’t be here, yet I am. My clinical trial group had 30, yet I’m the sole survivor. The lemon is the guilt that I carry for surviving when the others did not, the sweet is that I’m alive, and the water of time has allowed me to be joyfully thankful with a hint of sadness. It’s not lemon water or sugar water, it’s lemonade. It’s a combination of things, experiences, reactions and emotions that have made my life what it is today. So many flavors and nuances that I couldn’t begin to describe them to you, though I do try. Life as a whole is good, and it’s hard, and it’s complex. I try to remember this every time I meet someone new, to remember that their life is made up of so many different things and experiences that it would do them an injustice to pass judgement and put them in a box… a big box of lemons is not where any of us belong.